Vaati's ID Photo Adventure
by Purple Elf Of Darkness
Summary: Vaati is sick of everyone making fun of his embarassing ID photo, so he makes it his mission to change it. But he will have to face chicken eating fat guys, a cranky old DMV lady, and long, long lines. I don't own Legend of Zelda or any of the charcters. I only own myself(Bella) and the delivery man. NOTE: THIS IS A SMOSH PARODY OF WORST ID PHOTO EVER!
1. Chapter 1: The Delivery Man

One day, Vaati was owning n00bs on Halo and eating a sandwich, when the doorbell rang.

"Well, I guess that's my package," he muttered.

_PissedOffWindMage45 had gone offline_

Vaati opened the door and saw an old delivery man with a package standing on the porch.

"What the hell do you want? I'm trying to own n00bs in Halo!"

The delivery man ignored him.

"Special delivery for Batty the Wine Magpie"

"Vaati the Wind Mage, you human scum!"

The moronic delivery man paid no attention.

"I need to see your ID."

Vaati hesitated for a moment, and then pulled his Driver's License out of his pocket.

The delivery man stared at the picture. The Hyminish's hair was frizzy, his eyes were bloodshot, and his teeth had spinach in them.

"Bwahahah! You look like a puppy molester!" the old kook laughed.

"Who looks like a puppy molester?" Bella asked, drying her magenta hair with a towel.

"This girl right here," the delivery man said, pointing to Vaati, whose face was red with embarrassment.

Bella looked at his ID photo and burst into tears of laughter.

"You do look like a puppy molester, kyahahaha!"

"You know it takes like five minuets to change your photo at the DMV? Hahahaha!" the delivery man laughed.

"Ssshhhh! D-don't tell him that, heheheh!" Bella snickered.

"YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!" Vaati screamed, running out of the house and driving away in his car.

Bella stood there, staring at the delivery man, who licked his lips in a perverted way.

"Wanna' come over for some cookies, hottie?" he said.

Bella slammed the door in his face and began playing Vaati's Halo game.

"What a pedophile," she grumbled, slashing an alien with her energy sword and eating Vaati's sandwich.

Outside the delivery man sulked and opened Vaati's package.

"Oh, sweet, a bra!" he grinned, rubbing it on his face.

"That's the stuff."

Just the out of nowhere a frying pan hit him in the face.

"Oh s**t," he cursed, passing out.


	2. Chapter 2: The DMV Lady

Stupid Bella and that damn delivery guy, Vaati thought on his way to the DMV. Let's see those jerks make fun my photo now.

As he pulled into the parking lot, his face lit up with delight.

"Sweet! An open parking spot right in front of the…"

Vaati felt his blood boil as Telma parked her bike right in his parking spot. Vaati stopped his car and hopped out to face Telma.

"What the hell? That was my spot!" Vaati shouted.

"Sorry sweetie, I was here first. You might as well park your car in a dumpster," Telma said in a matter-of-factly.

Vaati blinked.

"That doesn't make sense," he said, confused.

"Your hair doesn't make sense," Telma stated.

Vaati punched Telma in the face so hard it knocked her tooth out.

No one makes fun of my hair, he thought as he walked into the DMV


	3. Chapter 3: Long Lines & KFC

Vaati muttered to himself as he walked into the DMV, where there was a long, long line.

Of course there's a line, Vaati thought. Then he saw someone familiar. Groose.

I'm probably going to regret this, Vaati grumbled.

"Hey, how long's this line gonna' last?" he asked Groose, who was eating from a bucket of KFC.

"Oh, it shouldn't be more than a couple of minutes. Good thing I got this bottomless bucket of chicken to keep me occupied," Groose said with his mouth full of chicken.

_6 Hours Later…_

"All right, you're up next, purple dude," Groose said after he finished renewing his ID. He had also gotten noticeably fatter.

"Whatever," Vaati muttered, walking up to the booth.

"Hey I just need to change my…" Then he saw the DMV lady.

"PANTS!" He said without thinking.

Telma looked up at him with disgust.

"Photo! I mean, I just need to change my photo," he said recovering.

"Oh, so now you want me to do something for you?" Telma smarted off.

"Well, that's your job, isn't?" Vaati asked in confusion.

"That's your job isn't it?" Telma said, mocking him.

"Uh…"

"Sure, you just press this keyboard all day and do everyone's work, well NO!" Telma growled.

"Oookay, can you change my photo or not?" Vaati said nervously.

"Sorry sweetie, you have to retake your driver's test."

"Why do I need…"

"Because all you sick puppy molesters are required to!"

"I never molested a puppy!"

"Have you ever petted a puppy with its permission?"

"Ok, who asks a puppy for its permission to pet it?"

"Listen sir, I don't want to hear about any of your little puppy molestations! In fact, it grosses me out to the extent that I just barfed in my mouth a bit. Now go out there and retake your driver's test and get out of my face!"

Vaati stood there, speechless.

"But I…"

"NEXT!" Telma shouted.

Vaati cursed to himself and went outside to retake his test. He was greeted by another long, long line.

"Oh, god. How long's this supposed to take?" he asked Groose.

"This part is super quick! Don't worry about it," Groose said, shoving more chicken into his mouth.

"Sure," Vaati muttered.


	4. Chapter 4: Let's Take A Driver's Ed Test

_TerraDaWolf(Bella): This FanFic is turning out pretty good. I like the characters I chose from LOZ to play the roles in this Smosh parody. Please read and comment! ;)_

_6 Hours Later…_

"Waaaaaaaghhhh!" Midna ran out of the car crying like a baby.

"Okay, it's your turn," Vaati told Groose, who had gotten even fatter than before.

"Mrregah frraag! Mry craaaannn fiitt rin teh brawwww inyraww," he said.

_Translation: Screw it! I can't even fit in the car anymore!_

"Haaarghh, rahhhh," he added.

_Translation: *Fat Breathing*_

Groose ran off with his bucket of KFC and fell flat on his face. Vaati shrugged and hopped into the car.

"Okay! Let's do this," he said cheerfully.

"Hello, sweetie," Telma said from the passenger seat.

"WAAGGHHH!" Vaati screamed, jumping back.

It's okay Vaati, he thought calmly to himself.

You just have to drive. You do it all the time.

"One more thing…" Telma said, smirking and reaching under her skirt.

"You have to do the whole test…"

Vaati swallowed nervously.

Oh s**t, he thought.

"Without molesting this puppy!" Telma shouted, pulling a puppy from under her skirt.

I'm screwed. Vaati stared into the puppy's big brown eyes. It seemed to talk to him.

Pet me, Vaati.

Don't pet that puppy, Vaati, don't pet it, Vaati thought to himself.

Aww, I'm so adorable.

Do not pet that puppy.

Pet meee.

Don't you dare pet that-

"Dammit!" Vaati shouted, realizing he was petting the puppy.

"Ha! I knew you were a puppy molester!" Telma shouted.

"But I…"

"YOU FAILED, PURPLE BOY!"

"Please let me retake this test, I'll do anything!" Vaati screamed.

He was nearly in tears. He wasn't about to be made fun of by his friends for 2 more months when his ID expired.

"Anything?" Telma said, smiling evilly and petting the puppy like a crime boss.

Vaati's crimson eye's flared with furry. Telma kept smiling. Suddenly, Vaati got a sick feeling in his stomach. He knew he would regret this.


	5. Epilouge

Vaati stood in Telma's house in his underwear, holding a sponge and blushing.

"I don't think I can do this," he said nervously.

"If you want your license, you better start scrubbing," Telma ordered, looking down at him.

Vaati hesitated, but gave in and began scrubbing.

"That's it. Rub it on real slowly," Telma said.

Vaati rubbed the bicycle like she said.

"Why is he in his underwear?" the delivery man from before asked.

"Why not?" said Telma, smirking.

"True. This is the best first date ever."

"Say what?!" Vaati screamed, and at the same moment, Telma took his new ID picture.

…

Later that day, Vaati and Bella were sitting on the couch. Bella stared at his ID photo for a long time.

"You like a bike molester now," she said, snickering.

Vaati threw his ID on the floor.

"Aww s**t," he said.

_TerraDaWolf(Bella) It's finished! Please comment! Hope you liked it!_


End file.
